H is for Hiatus

Life. It's stupidly simple while hopelessly complicated all at the same time. Every once in a while I have these moments of lucidity, where everything crystalizes in a brief moment of clarity. When these moments happen I realize…I am a big, fat idiot.

Am I being too harsh on myself? Yes. I also don't want to negate the fact that I have neglected this blog and it's intended purpose. This page was meant for expression, experimentation, education, nouns. So why hasn't that happened? Why the delay? Why all of the rhetorical questions? Because, dear reader, that stupidly simple and hopelessly complicated thing called life happened. Life.

So, until I get my act together, I bring you another delicious recipe. Enjoy while I go fetal and contemplate the mysteries of life:

What You'll Need:

Goat Cheese (One patty equates to 40 C)

As much Mixed Greens as your greedy, little hear desires (2 Cups is about 70 Calories)

Sliced Beets (29.2 C)

1/4 Cup Trader Joe's Panko Breadcrumbs (16.2 C)

1/4 Egg Whites (31.6 C)

Sprinkle of Smokehouse Chopped Almonds (40 C)

3/4 Cup Coldwater Salad Shrimp (80 C)

2 Tbsp Trader Joe's Champaign Salad Dressing (150 C)

Serves: 1 Person

Total Calories: 382.7

Today, we'll start by thawing the baby shrimps. Since the Coldwater Salad Shrimp is already cooked, the fist thing to do is defrost it. You can do this by placing the shrimp in a colander and rinsing under warm water. Should take no longer than a minute. Place in a paper towel and rest while you make your Goat Cheese patties.

The Goat Cheese patties are messy to make but fun to eat! Be careful not to salivate all over your keyboard. Grab about a Tablespoon of goat cheese - you can buy a log of it at Trader Joe's. Form it into a patty and dip it first in egg whites. Next, dip it in the Panko Breadcrumbs (they should stick to the patty. If not then I cannot help you. You're smart, you figure it out). Place on the stomach of a well oiled, well toned man until golden brown on either side. If you are fresh out of Channing Tatum or Ryan Gosling, a pan on the stove will do (albeit the process will not be nearly as fun). Set the stovetop to Medium. Keep a close eye on these patties; the Panko Breadcrumbs brown very fast.

Hey, girl. Need to grate some cheese? You can use my abs if you'd like.

But really, these goat cheese patties are the greatest thing to put on your salad. It's warm, gooey deliciousness and I don't want to eat cheese on a salad in any other form from now on.

Zomg stahp!

Go ahead and chop the beet (I'm a genius), put it in with the salad, toss in those almonds with the baby shrimp and drizzle on that Champaign dressing. Add the patty right on the top, do the hokey pokey, hey Macarena, and boom! You've got yourself a pretty tasty salad.

Eat, enjoy, verbs.

Cheers,

Kay

Something Clever

A dress, a dress.
Let me address this mess:
A mess that best tests my passion,
That fashions unrest in my chest,
That progresses my obsessive, depressive
Quest for a more aesthetic - and somewhat pathetic -
Desire for the perfect attire, I confess.

…but I digress.

In other news I went shopping. Finally.

For the first time in, in quite some time, I spent some time and money on myself. And. It. Felt. SO. GOOD.

I'll put an outfit together soon. I thought I would share this mile-stone of my exiting, penniless, life I call "adulthood".

In the mean time, enjoy this video…

And a photo of Prince George with his betrothed…

A match made in heaven, all at the ripe old age of 9 months.

To be honest, I'm doing anything to not cry over the Shark's Game 7 loss…I'm going to go fetal now…stupid LA Kings...

Cheers,

K

PS: Dresses are from Urban Outfitters, sales rack.

It's Okay, I Know How to Swim

So, I'm still working on getting the necessary ingredients for my Bare Minerals substitution. In the mean time, enjoy this Salmon Season Salad that goes great with sun-kissed skin and a tall glass of lemon water. Over the lips and past the gums, look out stomach….here we go!

Let's start with potatoes, and make 'em sweet.

For the Yams:

3 Sweet Potatoes, skinned (about 162 Calories)

2 Tbsp melted butter (200 C)

2 Tbsp Olive Oil (59.7 C)

A small amount Prime Rib Seasoning Mix (I know weird right? 60 C)

A sprinkle of Garam Masala (about 20 C)

For those who want to cook their own yams:

First, preheat the oven to 350 degrees. While that's warming up, peel and dice the potatoes into bite-sized quarters. Drizzle the butter, olive oil, seasoning (honestly you can use whatever seasoning you'd like), and Garam Masala onto your potatoes in a medium sized bowl. Place in the oven until nice and brownish on the outside; they should look a little crispy.

For us couch yams…did you see what I did there? Oh, whatever:

Get in your car, go to Trader Joe's and get the Maple Roaster Sweet Potatoes (1/2 Cup is 240.2 C)

Heat them up and that's what will go in your salad. Good for you. You just took lazy to a whole new level. I would be proud to call you "friend".

Now it's time to swim upstream…Okay I'm done

For the Fish:

1 fillet of Salmon (170 C)

1 Lemon (21 C)

1 Leek (54 C)

2 Tbsp of melted butter (200 C)

For those with a grill:

Fist, place the salmon filet onto a piece of tin foil - skin side down. Dice the leek, slice the lemon, mash 'em, boil 'em, stick 'em in a stew. But don't do that. Just the dicing and slicing part. I got a little carried away. Having fun yet? Well you've read this far haven't you? HAVEN'T YOU!? Okay I'm calm…

Place the slices of lemon - there should be about four total - as well as the diced leek on your salmon. Drizzle that buttery goodness and wrap up the salmon.

Get your grill to medium heat and put the fleshy side down first for 4 minutes. Turn it over (onto the skin side, meow. Remember this is all while still wrapped in the foil) and leave it on for 4-5 minutes. It should be on the grill for 8 minutes total. Add salt and pepper as needed. If you don't have a grill, you can also use the oven!

Preheat the oven to 350. Let salmon bake for 20 minutes or until all the way cooked through.

It ain't over until I say it's over!

For the Tomato Vinaigrette:

1 Can of Trader Joe's Diced Tomatoes - it should include garlic and oregano (90 Calories)

1 Container of Chopper Cherry Tomatoes (100g = 29 C)

1-2 Tbsp Chopped Garlic (0-10 C)

1 Tsp of Red Pepper Flakes (24 C)

1/3 Cup Red Wine Vinegar (21.3 C)

1/2 Cup Olive Oil (about 950 C…yikes)

Salt and Pepper to taste

For those who are not lazy:

Fist drain the can of Trader Joe's Diced Tomatoes and pour into a bowl. Take a set of kitchen scissors and cut the chunks into smaller pieces. Add one container of chopped cherry tomatoes (don't forget to wash them!). Mix in the chopped garlic, red pepper flakes, red wine vinegar, and olive oil. Add salt and pepper as needed.

For those who say, "Well f*ck that.":

Trader Joe's, jarred Tomato Bruschetta is just as good. 1 Cup is about 66 Calories.

Put it all together:

1/4 of the salmon you just cooked (about 111.25 Calories)

1/4 of the sweet potatoes, cooked (125.43 C)

1 good scoop of the Tomato Vinaigrette (33 C)

1/4 Cup Shredded Parmesan Cheese, Kraft (110 C)

2 Tbsp Light Champagne Vinaigrette, Trader Joe's (50 C)

3 Cups Half Spring Mix & Half Baby Spinach, Earthbound Farm Organic (30 C)

Serves: 1

Total Calories: 459.68 Calories

Put your greens in a small serving bowl and leave to the side. Heat up your salmon and potatoes - if cold - for about 1 minute in the microwave and place them on top of the salad. Sprinkle the parmesan on top and watch it melt (it's like watching paint dry, but instead you're salivating). Add the Tomato Vinaigrette or the Bruschetta and finish it with the Light Champagne dressing.

I don't know if you're ready for this….

…Boom

Honestly, I wish I could go back in time and re-eat this. I'm not kidding. This was amazing. It was more amazing because I go to enjoy it in my beautiful backyard!

This salad could have been 100,000,000 Calories and I would have still eaten it and gone back for seconds. Happy Spring, everyone!

But before you go...

Oh, yeah. That's it. Work it, baby.

Cheers,

K

PS:
Follow my blog with Bloglovin

When Life Give You Lemons, Make a Face Mask

Hormones can be a tricky thing. For women, hormones play a large part in our physical lives. They control our metabolism, skin, mood, and even eating habits. What's worse is that we are constantly berated with commercials for beauty products, ointments, creams, and pills to make us smoother, younger, skinnier, or less hairy. The choices can be overwhelming. As a professional woman - one who grew up with two brothers and in an Amish-like private school system - it took me FOR-EH-VER to figure out what worked for me; and it all comes down to those pesky hormones.

"But how," you may ask, "do you separate the garbage from what actually works?" Good question reader. Gosh you're smart. Is that a new hair cut? It suits you. But I digress. Let's talk about my skin. My acne has always been an issue. I've used Proactive, antibiotics, birth control, Finacea, Differin, Clindamycin and even Spironolactone; a medication supposedly used for diabetics! Ridiculous I know. I was tempted many times to try Accutane, but I also didn't want to invest in doctor visits and the threat of sever depression. Nothing seemed to work and I was constantly self-conscious around even my family members. Without anywhere else to turn, I got wind of the idea of trying a facialist.

Click here to visit the website of my old facialist. She's Russian and sassy and wonderful. You'll love her I promise :)

Time for a quick plug. My sister's boyfriend had been going to Valeria Skin Care and Spa; if you live in the East Bay Area, CA you'll be in for a treat. Even though her services didn't quite work for him, I decided to give her a try (on my parent's dime of course). I figured since he and I had very different types of acne, she may be exactly what I was looking for. After visits with her over the course of several months, the results were astronomical. Even after 2 weeks, I could see reductions in scaring and incredible control over blemishes. SHE WAS A VOODOO WOMAN I SWEAR! But alas, my parents decided to switch to a health care provider under our coverage since her fees were starting to add up. I was back onto benzoyl peroxides and salicylic acids. What this time did help me realize about my skin was this: my body craves natural products. 

Recently, I've been largely experimenting with online advice on home remedies to treat my skin. To my surprise, they've shown more results for me than any other high-priced item I could get over the counter or from my doctor. (NOTE: Using home remedies doesn't mean you stop consulting a dermatologist. They are highly trained professionals that actually know what they're talking about. Use them as a guide. Work as a team to find out what works for you.) Here's a remedy that I've been using that has reduced redness, scaring, and softened my complection!

What you'll need:

1/2 Tsp Cinnamon

1/2 Tsp Nutmeg

1 Tsp Honey

1 Slice of lemon (about 1 Tbsp of lemon juice)

Serves: 1 Face

Calories: Don't eat this. It's not for you to eat. Please, don't.

This is the face of regret...

…but not really because I LOVE this mask! These ingredients don't seem to be a likely combination for a facial cleanser, but their skin treating roots extend back centuries. Nutmeg has been a remedy for thousands of years as an anti-inflammatory. It's been known to heal many skin diseases like ringworm and eczema. Cinnamon is also in the category of ancient and affective dermatological ingredients. It's been used as an anti-fungal, astringent, and anti-viral. Combine with honey, an antiseptic, and lemon which can fade acne scars and age spots, to make yourself a quick and easy facial mask that does wonders for sensitive skin. I've been using this mask for about 2-weeks now with fantastic results. Obviously I'm still using face wash and night cleansers as a part of my consistent routine (it's important to be patient and stick to a routine. Switching around too often will throw off your body and could potentially damage your skin.)

Additional perks of this mask include:

• Smelling good
• Scaring your little brother
• Not being grossed out if it gets in your mouth;
• And taking hot bathroom selfies

I've got a million more remedies to try. Tune in next week for a cheap and affective replacement to Bare Minerals. I haven't tried it yet. If it works, then I'll post the results. If it doesn't work, then I'll post the results and you get to laugh at me. Everybody wins. Even me.

Cheers,
K

Date Me

I'm a genius. Or, at least the internet has made me a genius. Or, at least I made the internet better…I think. If you're reading this, you're about to make the best Bacon Wrapped Dates EVER! You're welcome.

What you'll need:

Trader Joe's 7 Medjool Dates (2 dates is the equivalent of 110 Calories) (385)
4 Slices of Applewood Smoked Bacon (2 strips is equivalent to 80 C) (160)
Trader Joe's Light Whipped Cream Cheese (2 Tbsp is 70 C)
Blue Diamond Smokehouse Almonds (42.5 C for 7 almonds)
Victorine Valley Farms Balsamic Vinegar (1 Tbsp is 15 C)
100% Pure Grade A Honey (1 Tbsp is 60 C)
Pure Cane Brown Sugar (1 Tbsp is 15 C)
Regular toothpicks
Serves: 7 (one per person) or 1 (7 per one me)
Calories: 747.5 Total (not too shabby…but seriously don't eat them all. They pack quite a sugary punch)

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Next, gather and prep the ingredients. This includes de-pitting the dates and slicing the bacon in half strips. Next, fill the dates with a small amount of cream cheese - depending on how large the pit is - and place in each one Smokehouse Almond. Put the two halves of the dates together and wrap each one individually with a half-slice of bacon. Secure together with a toothpick.

Place each Date on a baking sheet lined with tin foil (easier to clean up). Cook in the oven for 5 minutes and flip. Cook for an additional 5 minutes. Flip again and cook for 3 minutes. Flip one last time and cook for 3 minutes. Once the bacon has been partially cooked, set the oven to broil at 400 degrees. Drizzle a small amount of honey, Balsamic Vinegar, and a pinch of brown sugar on each Date. Cook for 2 minutes. Flip and repeat. Take the Dates out and let them cool on a separate plate for about 5 minutes.

Make sure to be a little frugal with the sugar and honey. If you don't want them to be as sweet, you can remove the Brown Sugar ingredient. Honestly, these were some of the best bacon wrapped dates I've ever had and I'm glad I had the chance this week to get more experimental in the kitchen. Now, I will be leaving to watch more of Bob's Burgers. Have a good cook!

Cheers,
K

My Name is Kaylyn, and I'm a Chocoholic

Hello and welcome to Chocoholics Anonymous. Today, after many trials and tribulations, I have finally found a lava cake recipe that WORKS! Emphasis on the "works".

What you'll need:

5 Tbsp of Butter

Just shy of 1/2 C dark chocolate (you can also use bittersweet chocolate)

2 Large Eggs

1 Large Egg Yolk

3 Tbsp Sugar

3 Tbsp Flour

2 Tsp CoCoa Powder

Pinch of Salt

Powdered Sugar as Needed

4, 5-oz Ramekins

Serves: Up to 4 people

Calories: Really? You're making lava cake. You don't need to know this information

Start by being on your period. No? Just broke up with someone? Maybe you didn't get that job you wanted? Maybe you went bathing suit shopping and looked at your naked body in the mirror for the first time since August? Well, we're all in the same boat. And, instinctually, you should craving something as rich and delicate as a chocolate cloud. A chocolate cloud that won't hurt your feelings; that rains sunshine and self confidence. I won't lie, I was mumbling my precious whilst making these lava cakes. 

….but I digress.

Start by heating the chocolate and butter together. You can do this in a double boiler. I prefer to set it in the microwave for about 25 seconds, take out, stir, and put it back in for an additional 30 seconds. Next, mix the eggs and sugar in a separate bowl. Whisk until the sugar has completely dissolved. This should take about 3 minutes. Combine the chocolate mixture to the egg mixture until fully integrated together in their chocolatey habitat of deliciousness. Sift the flour into the mix. Then add the sugar and cocoa powder. Blend together until you get a nice, thick - almost paste like - chocolaty batter. Once you've buttered the inside of your 5-oz ramekins, evenly distribute the batter and place in the refrigerator for about 30 minutes. Why? Because I said so.

While your ramekins are cooling, preheat the oven to 425 degrees. This next bit is important!!!! Previously I have overcooked and undercooked these bad boys. The secret time? 10 MINUTES! That's it. Not a minute sooner or later. Take them out and let sit for about 2 minutes after they've baked. When you've done all of that, carefully flip them over onto a plate and wiggle them out gently (if you've buttered them properly they should slide right out). Vualá! You have 4 delicious chocolate lava cakes for you and your friends. In my case it was Me, Myself, and I (and The Fellowship of the Ring). Decorate with powdered sugar and enjoy with raspberries and vanilla ice cream.

Get in my BELLAY!

I couldn't be more pleased with how these came out! They were moist and sturdy on the outside, while gooey and oozing on the inside. This recipe is something I've enjoyed trying to perfect. Hopefully you'll be able to enjoy it just the same. If this doesn't cure your evening, try watching this. Or why not both?

Cheers,

K

Eggscuse Me

I am a terrible blogger. I know this. One of the difficult things that I have run into as a wanna-be writer, is "material". Note to Self: I am not going to be writing for the Huffington Post or the next great American novel anytime soon. Learning how to write is like learning yoga; you won't be able to achieve the perfect crane without having fallen down a couple of times. And like yoga, it's a good practice to just sit and find your breath. That's what I'm going with this blog. Find my breath.

So this week I'm getting back to what really matters to me: food and counting calories. Hence, my favorite cheesy eggs.

What you'll need:

2 Farm Fresh Eggs (160 Calories)
1/3 Cup Fontina Cheese (507 C)
Whole Green Onion (5 C)
1/2 Avocado (161 C)
2 Tbsp Mild Pico De Gallo (10 C)
Serves: 1 Person
Total Calories: 507 (not too shabby)

Eggselent! Okay I'll leave...

Whip those eggs up with a splash of either water or fat free milk - this will keep the eggs from drying out (nobody likes gross dry scrambled eggs). Let sit on Medium heat for less than a minute and then start adding the green onion and fontina cheese sparingly. A trick that my grandma taught me was, using a spatula, push the egg into the center as it cooks. Honestly this doesn't make the egg taste any different. I just like doing it the way grandma does it. I'm a sentimental old fool.

Something I like to add is just a pinch of salt and Trader Joe's Everyday Seasoning. Serve with Pico De Gallo (thanks again Trader J!) and a half of an Avocado (some fat is good fat).

This isn't exactly ground breaking, but it does make for a nice easy breakfast. Takes you about 3 minutes to prep, 5 minutes to cook, and 2 seconds to inhale into your gullet hole. One thing that really makes good eggs though, is to take them off of the burner just before they are wholly cooked. The eggs will continue to sizzle and harden. Another ancient Chinese secret to keep them from being overcooked.

Finding my niche for this blog is a journey in itself. Maybe I'll try Pintrest concoctions. A più tardi!


Cheers,
K